Agony, Suffering, Affliction, Torment, Torture, Rage, Confusion
Pain.
I'm so grateful to God for the capacity to feel all of that. Honestly, right now, it feels like a privilege.
Before July this year, I thought I didn't have the right to be angry. Crazy right? I thought my reasons for being angry weren't good enough reasons to play the angry card. I used to compare my reasons to the reasons of people around me who had gone through worse. With people whose experience of life was far more difficult than mine but still put on a brave face. I'd force myself to suck it up and move on because it always could be worse.
Now I still believe in all that because it helps me pick my battles. If I didn't, I'd be an angry bird quarter to exploding. But my happiness had reached a plateau. I mean this in the sense that I didn't know what happiness meant to me, beause everything just felt the same. I didn't know what happiness meant because I didn't know what sadness felt like.
I'm not saying I was never sad. I just didn't allow myself to feel it completely. It was as though once I reached a certain point, I was like "Okay. That's enough. Time to be happy again." and I flipped the "happy switch" back on. My sadness and anger wasn't genuine and as a result, neither was my happiness.
What I'm trying to say is that Joy lives because sadness is alive, and vice versa. I don't know if you've watched the movie 'Inside Out' but the whole concept is depicted in the most beautiful, imaginative way possible! Your highest of highs; your core memories that build your personality come after your lowest of lows.
You can't fully appreciate (you can but not fully) all the good things in your life if you haven't experienced the complete opposite of it.
What is money if you've never struggled for it all your life?
What are good friends if you've never had fake ones?
How do you know it's good food when you've never had worse?
So I allowed myself to feel. It took a lot, and it felt like torture but I did it anyway. Proudest thing I've ever done for myself.
Although those emotions are hard to be grateful for in the moment, I always try and remember that I know Joy today becauae I met Pain yesterday.
By the way, please watch 'Inside Out' if you haven't already.
Pain.
I'm so grateful to God for the capacity to feel all of that. Honestly, right now, it feels like a privilege.
Before July this year, I thought I didn't have the right to be angry. Crazy right? I thought my reasons for being angry weren't good enough reasons to play the angry card. I used to compare my reasons to the reasons of people around me who had gone through worse. With people whose experience of life was far more difficult than mine but still put on a brave face. I'd force myself to suck it up and move on because it always could be worse.
Now I still believe in all that because it helps me pick my battles. If I didn't, I'd be an angry bird quarter to exploding. But my happiness had reached a plateau. I mean this in the sense that I didn't know what happiness meant to me, beause everything just felt the same. I didn't know what happiness meant because I didn't know what sadness felt like.
I'm not saying I was never sad. I just didn't allow myself to feel it completely. It was as though once I reached a certain point, I was like "Okay. That's enough. Time to be happy again." and I flipped the "happy switch" back on. My sadness and anger wasn't genuine and as a result, neither was my happiness.
What I'm trying to say is that Joy lives because sadness is alive, and vice versa. I don't know if you've watched the movie 'Inside Out' but the whole concept is depicted in the most beautiful, imaginative way possible! Your highest of highs; your core memories that build your personality come after your lowest of lows.
You can't fully appreciate (you can but not fully) all the good things in your life if you haven't experienced the complete opposite of it.
What is money if you've never struggled for it all your life?
What are good friends if you've never had fake ones?
How do you know it's good food when you've never had worse?
So I allowed myself to feel. It took a lot, and it felt like torture but I did it anyway. Proudest thing I've ever done for myself.
Although those emotions are hard to be grateful for in the moment, I always try and remember that I know Joy today becauae I met Pain yesterday.
By the way, please watch 'Inside Out' if you haven't already.
I'm not entirely good with expressing in words. All I can say is that this is the realest sense of discovery. It was beautifully said.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much! I wish you weren't anonymous..
DeleteSawbona Imani Nyezi
ReplyDeleteInkinga engiyibonayo mini ukuthi nje ngabantu asifuni ukulalela imizwa yethu ngoba sibona ngathi masilalela imizwa yethu sizobonwa ngathi sithambile, kuso leso skathi sokuthamba abantu esiphila nabo emhlabemi basebenzi ukuthamba kwethu ukuziphakamisa bona.
Yingakho abantu abanigi bagcine bafela ngaphakathi nenkiza zabo bengafuni zaziwe, iyahlupha lento ngoba wonke umuntu uyayzi inkinga kodwa ukhetha ukungayinaki.
Sengivala engifuna ukusho ukuthi, Ngenkathi ngisafuda esikolweni ngike ngaba nekulumo
nomfundi ngempilo kule nkulumo lomfundi washo isisho esodwa guqula inkumo yethu kwaba nokuthula sabukana emehlweni inkulumo yayime kanjena sengicaphuna
There was a man.
What is the moral of the strory?
My dear Siya! I'd like you to know that this took an awful about of time to read and understand 😂. But I did it! Thank you!
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